so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
