in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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