My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
