I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
