Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
