If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
