They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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