the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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