Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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