You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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