My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
