if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
