John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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