You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
