Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
