Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
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He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize