Is that why you're texting me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too