Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket