Your dad touched me again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You smell like stripper and shame
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine