Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.