i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar