...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
