I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
