Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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