The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize