we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
