My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
