i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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