He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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