You work out of a Hotel?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
