I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
