Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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