there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
