I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
