I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize