well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
