So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
