Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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