My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
