btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
