my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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