K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
