Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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