Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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