brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
