I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
