Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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