when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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