I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
