How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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