I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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