ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
