At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
