So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
