For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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