i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
