Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
