it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
