so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
