we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
