you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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