So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
