I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
