Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
