I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
