Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
