....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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