"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
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Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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