I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
