I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I need help removing her.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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