last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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