Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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