I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
