The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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