I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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