My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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