Where is the hickey?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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