Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The air was thick with penises
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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