That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Farmville is her only friend.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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