he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
