I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm really busy with my period
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