so explain again why im purple
no
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
