Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
