My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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