I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
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I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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