Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
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He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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