so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
