i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
