OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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